“We live in a bit of a strange time for the management of feelings, it seems to me. On the one hand, we’ve never talked about feelings more (I, for one, would like that to stop). There is a lot of encouragement to dwell upon, examine, and even “trust” or “follow” our feelings, whether it’s actively nursing our grievances, or literally building an identity out of our desires or how we “feel” about our bodies. At the very same time, we’re encouraged to cauterize so much of what was once, aptly, called “proper” feeling; like, say, bonding with someone with whom one is enjoying amorous congress. Etc.”
👏👏👏
When my first son was born, people kept giving us books like “the feelings monster” and “tiger days”. Do not give me kids books about just “feelings” please. 1. They are incredibly boring, 2. What is the lesson here?
I’m always seeking out books for them where things are happening, and feelings arise naturally of course. As they do in life. But the story is not just “feeling monster is all mixed up” and then the monster smashing everything on the page. No explanation for why feeling monster is mad, or consideration for the other monsters around him.
I also really like the note about "consideration for other monsters around him". That genre is so me-centric, which of course...is not only just wrong, but, not the best way to actually enjoy the best piece of mind and warm relationships with others!
I am also 100% of the mind that the only books my kid has when she's little and needs me to read them to her, are books that I am HAPPY to read over and over, lol. A lot of what's being written for kids these days, I would be banging my head against the wall if I had to read it on repeat, lol.
hahaa that’s a good rule. I’ve let my boys pick what they want to read which is how I’ve ended up repeatedly reading about Captain America’s super soldier serum that helps him defeat red skull. 🙃
My eldest is moving into chapter book territory now though, which I want to be more intentional about. Hoping to avoid the me-centric “feelings” focused kids books. Going to try and see how heavy the chronicles of Narnia are in the suitcase next time in the US.
Hard to go wrong with Narnia! There's an author named Michael Morpurgo who works (usually with the artist Michael Foreman) to do really nicely abridged versions of epic poems so that they read more like a chapter book (probably a bit later than you're talking about as the next chapter book phase, but they are cool options to have at the ready later on). Like they did Beowulf and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Boys would probably eat up those stories, especially if they've already been enjoying Captain America! I'm not usually the biggest fan of abridged versions but I think he did a really nice job of making it much more accessible for surprisingly young kids but still really honoring the story.
I will check them out. We are in the brave knight and dragons phase now too. Sorry for hijacking your comment section! Hopefully is good for the algorithm at least
That point about how feelings arise naturally in the context of story is spot-on. But exactly, a story should not be based on just...feelings. Where is the story?
It's also a pretty well documented thing that rumination on our feelings only contributes to making them worse!! I think that good stories with interesting characters will help a kid develop a good emotional vocabulary (along with just, obviously, good conversations), and that will sometimes be helpful for working through some things...but the whole over-emphasis on talking endlessly about feelings drives me nuts, too! Thankfully we didn't get given a lot of those books, but they're sure taking over the children's section in the library, smh...
I enjoy your writing, your stories, and an education about horses. Thank you for this. You're good at this. :)
Thank you!
“We live in a bit of a strange time for the management of feelings, it seems to me. On the one hand, we’ve never talked about feelings more (I, for one, would like that to stop). There is a lot of encouragement to dwell upon, examine, and even “trust” or “follow” our feelings, whether it’s actively nursing our grievances, or literally building an identity out of our desires or how we “feel” about our bodies. At the very same time, we’re encouraged to cauterize so much of what was once, aptly, called “proper” feeling; like, say, bonding with someone with whom one is enjoying amorous congress. Etc.”
👏👏👏
When my first son was born, people kept giving us books like “the feelings monster” and “tiger days”. Do not give me kids books about just “feelings” please. 1. They are incredibly boring, 2. What is the lesson here?
I’m always seeking out books for them where things are happening, and feelings arise naturally of course. As they do in life. But the story is not just “feeling monster is all mixed up” and then the monster smashing everything on the page. No explanation for why feeling monster is mad, or consideration for the other monsters around him.
I also really like the note about "consideration for other monsters around him". That genre is so me-centric, which of course...is not only just wrong, but, not the best way to actually enjoy the best piece of mind and warm relationships with others!
I am also 100% of the mind that the only books my kid has when she's little and needs me to read them to her, are books that I am HAPPY to read over and over, lol. A lot of what's being written for kids these days, I would be banging my head against the wall if I had to read it on repeat, lol.
hahaa that’s a good rule. I’ve let my boys pick what they want to read which is how I’ve ended up repeatedly reading about Captain America’s super soldier serum that helps him defeat red skull. 🙃
My eldest is moving into chapter book territory now though, which I want to be more intentional about. Hoping to avoid the me-centric “feelings” focused kids books. Going to try and see how heavy the chronicles of Narnia are in the suitcase next time in the US.
Hard to go wrong with Narnia! There's an author named Michael Morpurgo who works (usually with the artist Michael Foreman) to do really nicely abridged versions of epic poems so that they read more like a chapter book (probably a bit later than you're talking about as the next chapter book phase, but they are cool options to have at the ready later on). Like they did Beowulf and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Boys would probably eat up those stories, especially if they've already been enjoying Captain America! I'm not usually the biggest fan of abridged versions but I think he did a really nice job of making it much more accessible for surprisingly young kids but still really honoring the story.
I will check them out. We are in the brave knight and dragons phase now too. Sorry for hijacking your comment section! Hopefully is good for the algorithm at least
Don't apologize! Anyway, you might be right about the algorithm...I have no idea how these things work lol
That point about how feelings arise naturally in the context of story is spot-on. But exactly, a story should not be based on just...feelings. Where is the story?
It's also a pretty well documented thing that rumination on our feelings only contributes to making them worse!! I think that good stories with interesting characters will help a kid develop a good emotional vocabulary (along with just, obviously, good conversations), and that will sometimes be helpful for working through some things...but the whole over-emphasis on talking endlessly about feelings drives me nuts, too! Thankfully we didn't get given a lot of those books, but they're sure taking over the children's section in the library, smh...
I loved this!! So many fantastic lines and imagery. Totally agree re parenting and feelings.
Your writing takes me back to my horse book era (all the childhood books I got from my mother were about horses, as the daughter of a horse girl).
Okay going to reread again.